This story is part of a series: Unspoken Saga (Part-10) Unspoken Saga (Part-9) Unspoken Saga…..
It must be a dream that motivates a foreigner to leave their country and stay for quite some time, a plan that promises better education, medical care, a better job, livelihood, and a bright, comfortable future. Again, going abroad is the only way a family can progress financially in one’s dreams. However, not all dreams come true. America gives a lot; again, it takes much more in return.
Many years ago, I moved to America. Since then, I haven’t kept in touch with my relatives and family members in Bangladesh. It is difficult for me to be a part of their joyous occasions. When someone dies, I cannot witness it for the last time. Several of my relatives have passed away, but I was not with them during their final days. Because flying from America to Bangladesh is not possible whenever we want. The fares on this trip are not affordable for everyone. Furthermore, can a woman who is not established in her life make her own decisions? No matter how well established a woman is, she can’t make any significant decisions without her husband’s approval.
Year after year, we live abroad. It is possible to achieve a lot, but we must also lose a lot. Over my 21 years in America, I have seen many people’s dreams crumble; I have seen them destroy family ties. Divorce has increased due to various factors such as marital disagreements, violence, extramarital affairs, and misunderstandings.
It has to happen! Bangladeshi women in the United States are now self-sufficient and know how to earn and live a satisfying life. They no longer have to rely on their husbands for food, clothing, shelter, nor are they subject to domestic abuse. It’s America, not Bangladesh. Here women have complete freedom of values, rights, and choice. There is no difference between men and women in this country. Therefore, a spouse does not need to endure verbal, mental, and physical abuse like our predecessors did.
However, something makes me think very much like the self-proclaimed nonsense philosophers of today – some people deviate from the right path to come to America, to get all the benefits of America. Why is that?
Unfortunately, some of us cannot escape injustice, immorality, illegal acts, and cheating by the trap of love. Credit card frauds, bankruptcies, faking a marriage to get citizenship, marrying an adult, or divorced woman to obtain American citizenship. There are also some fugitive cases after getting citizenship in our community. Many other nations have done the same.
What makes us think about these filthy practices, corruptions, procedures, and techniques? Maybe, when we leave a poor, impeded society, climate, and state and figure out how to free ourselves, we lose our portability while attempting to move in light because our legs were in shackles by private enterprise and fascism.
What are our choices in the country from which we showed up? All that is accessible is for the bourgeoisie in an entrepreneur society. Working-class and lower-class individuals in Bangladesh have no expectations. There are no exceptional clinical benefits, no positions, and worth in their work. As it may, training, food emergency, chronic drug use, terrible social culture, and state-managerial mastery and tumult are extraordinarily evolved. Individuals have no right to speak freely.
When abused, impeded individuals get freedom from the exploited society and state; their ethics are hampered by their physical and mental state. It is similar to the shameless brutal detainees delivered after being held in American jails. Be that as it may, numerous scientists additionally examine those detainees’ mental states of being, searching for arrangements, yet there is nobody to discuss our Bengali’s’!
My companion is almost fifty and never hitched due to her family obligations. She is currently searching for a Bangladeshi man to marry.
One of my neighbors, a single parent, has kids at home. She is likewise searching for a Bangladeshi individual for her subsequent marriage.
For what reason do they lean toward Bangladeshi men regardless of having American citizenship? To wed an individual from Bangladesh and carry him to America needs to go through many standards and cycles. Somebody needs to pay additional government assessments and many costs during the methodology. There is additionally an attorney’s charge.
A few ladies feel that if they wed a man from a lower-class social position, the man won’t ever trouble them about their different age, first marriage, or foundation. Also, usually, individuals can get by for quite a while with individuals who are somewhat more vulnerable than themselves.
Another explanation is that most ladies who live with specific snags, mainly separated ones, are stressed over whether their subsequent marriage will endure. A kid’s mom is more apprehensive because the new spouse needs to take all of the youngster’s liabilities.
Besides, they also ponder what the assault will resemble when the subsequent marriage separates and how society responds to it.
So they need to pick somebody who has no misfortunes or family obligations, who won’t ever leave them and encompass them with adoration and care for a lifetime.
In any case, the issue is, even though the men consent to wed such ladies, large numbers of them change their appearance when they get authoritative records or citizenship in the wake of coming to America.
Steadily, they started to perceive the American world, emerged from normal conduct or thinking at a certain point, and disliked restricting themselves to explicit obligations. Instead, they begin figuring out how to appreciate life however they see fit, their significant other’s considerations and sentiments.
Here, another contention begins, the trust, certainty, and regard decline.
The two players go into separation one day on the off chance that the relationship breaks down because of this contention. Yet, once more, specific individuals attempt to save the second marriage because of a paranoid fear of losing social regard.
However, neither bliss nor harmony is left on the planet, which entirely jeopardizes the consumed lady’s perspective. The man gets the real benefit he acquired American citizenship at that point.
Then again, I have seen numerous Bengali guardians living in America with their religion and social conviction frequently pick Bangladeshi ladies and grooms for their kids. Often, those marriage is a viable triumph; once in a while, it isn’t on the grounds because two individuals from two nations have various societies, convictions, and life points of view. Nobody will match anybody. Once more, as a rule, Bangladeshi ladies adjust to American culture with their spouses; however, some men neglect to do so since Bengali men try to avoid female control. They need to be tyrants constantly. Along these lines, the contention begins, and the relationship winds up separate. Here the man is a victor with American citizenship.
Not simply men do these messy things; ladies do as well, maybe in tiny numbers. Also, a new lamentable occasion, a man close to mine, who doesn’t know English, works in a supermarket for 12 hours every day, seven days per week. He got married to someone from Bangladesh and brought her to America. She was a housewife, and they likewise had a girl. The man earned money by buckling down alone and offering a room in the condo to someone else. His wife got US citizenship four years after she came to America. The weird thing is, fourteen days in the wake of obtaining citizenship, she fled with the one who was a roommate. There might be more realities in the background; perhaps I don’t have the foggiest idea. Be that as it may, escaping with US citizenship while sitting tight for the time, it’s a lie and injustice.
For what reason does this hypocrisy or cheat occur? It may be accomplishing something they need more effectively than working hard, and here, cheating becomes ideal for needy individuals.
That insatiability for power obliterates their morality, honesty, profound quality.
At the point when a grown-up, a separated lady, weds and brings somebody from abroad to America, they want to disregard the past and begin arranging their very own group, where everything they could ever hope for will work out individually. At any point, do Bengali men acknowledge penance in understanding ladies’ fantasies?
In the covetousness of getting lawful American citizenship, they might enter in the lady’s brain with many guarantees, and they might adore. However, Bengali ladies ought to comprehend that men never heed the direction or counsel of ladies. The lady may affectionately tell her significant other her financial balance, MasterCard secret word, all private data, yet the man won’t ever do this because of adoration for his better half. Here, the contention of confidence and skepticism begins to start.
The American social framework, regulation, request, and climate are why a Bengali lady can remarry whenever, yet It is difficult in Bangladesh.
Our primary issue is moving around in the Bengali people group even though we live in America. Thus, society will constantly have cerebral pain concerning what’s going on in our singular lives.
Therefore, for our Bengali women, polygamy means something dirty in the eyes of society; repeated divorce means a complete fault of the woman. Being deceived by men means being questioned by the community.
A single parent in our general public is an astonishing subject to blabber about in different ways; she will offer every grimy interest and superfluous murmurs regarding her locally. However, sadly, nobody will help this lady with practically no case.
The monetary battles of a single parent are many, particularly in a costly city like New York. Assume a lady at any point weds somebody from her way of life and anticipates a touch of warmth, care, alleviation from the monetary emergency, and give him American citizenship; It should involve joy. But, be that as it may, it is a difficulty assuming the man leaves the lady subsequently to get citizenship for different reasons.
When such occurrences happen, the lady is incredibly embarrassed by society. Others’ murmurs, negative conversations, reactions will make her disappointed. Once more, however, at that point, the repeat of an unanticipated occasion throughout everyday life, the misdirection, dives that single parent into a monetary emergency crisis.
It isn’t great to utilize any person for personal responsibility. But, it is vile to come to America by cheating with somebody, then, at that point, leave the individual on different guises when they get citizenship; it’s egregious wrongdoing.
The pressure in the relationship comes to anybody’s life in any capacity. We can resolve that through settlement. But there is no solution for extortion. There is no end to those suffering who have to adjust despite being deceived. Two individuals next to each other in a similar house, some cheerful in double-dealing, some in grieving – what a frightfulness. How do people stay healthy in this way?
These are things that need to think honestly. Tragically, a few Bengali’s wed the individual they don’t like, just to come to America. When they arrive at their objective, they change their structure over the long run and take on another life. The outcomes of this ‘Bangladesh to America-Treaty Marriage’ among our Bengali’s are fundamentally unsafe.
We need to remember that marital relations are never conditional. It is likewise a misinterpretation that once someone has been given all the benefits of America, they will be loyal to us! Each person has a few extraordinary attributes, various contemplation, and mentalities. We can’t involve one another assuming we need to, nor would it be advisable. So the method involved with compromising these America-based advantages in conjugal connections is baffling. With a bit of thought, we can tackle it ourselves.
However, it is worth noting that our kids were born in America or came to America early to live and study; their beliefs and thoughts are broad and progressed. They know how to construct an effective and agreeable existence with challenging work and achievement.
It is a matter of great pride that numerous Bengali Americans have as of late entered the American standard in a fantastic situation with cutting edge positions in writing, news media, legislative issues, and the working environment.
Ideally, our new age will give the world an option that could be preferable to us later.